By Pastor Bisi Adewale
I have seen many couples walk into my office, broken and wondering, “Pastor, where did we go wrong?” They can’t point to one big fight, one betrayal, or one major mistake. Yet somehow, love has grown cold. Passion has dried up. Friendship has faded.
You see, most times, intimacy in marriage doesn’t die because of a single storm. It dies because of tiny cracks that go unnoticed, daily habits and attitudes that slowly erode the bond between husband and wife. These things seem small, but left unchecked, they choke love like weeds in a garden.
Whether you are married, engaged, or still praying for your life partner, please open your heart as I share these 10 silent killers of intimacy. May God open your eyes and help you rebuild your relationship.
1. Emotional Distance in the Name of “I’m Busy”
We get so caught up in work, church, children, and responsibilities that we forget the one we promised to love and cherish. A simple “How was your day?” or a warm hug becomes rare. Little by little, we become strangers under the same roof.
2. Unresolved Offenses
A little hurt ignored today becomes bitterness tomorrow. Many couples sweep issues under the carpet instead of dealing with them. They pretend to move on, but their hearts carry silent grudges.
3. Lack of Physical Affection
Kisses dry up. Hugs disappear. Holding hands becomes awkward. Slowly, your bodies forget the language of love. Affection is not only for the bedroom—it is for daily connection.
4. Neglecting Each Other’s Emotional Needs
Every human heart is hungry for love, affirmation, appreciation, and attention. When you stop meeting your partner’s emotional needs, they start to feel invisible and unloved—even if you provide financially.
5. Taking Each Other for Granted
In the early days, you said “thank you” and “I’m sorry” easily. Now, you expect things without appreciation. You ignore your partner’s efforts. What once amazed you now barely gets your attention.
6. Distractions From Phones and Social Media
You sit together but scroll apart. You eat dinner but talk to your phones. Conversations disappear, replaced by notifications and reels. Without realizing it, your partner feels ignored and lonely.
7. Criticism Without Encouragement
Correction is part of marriage, but when all you do is criticize, your partner feels like they can never please you. Constant complaints break their spirit and push them away.
8. Emotional Affairs
Sometimes the enemy creeps in silently. You begin to confide in a friend or colleague more than your spouse. You laugh with them, share your worries with them, and soon your heart is divided.
9. Ignoring Fun and Friendship
Marriage is not only about bills and responsibilities. It should also be filled with laughter, playfulness, and fun moments. When you stop being friends, love starts to feel like a burden.
10. Spiritual Disconnection
When couples stop praying together, the spiritual bond weakens. They begin to face life’s battles individually instead of as a team.
Singles, take note of these things now. Build emotional maturity before marriage.
Married couples, it’s not too late to turn things around. God can heal what has grown cold.
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