Marriage is beautiful, but parenting is one of its greatest assignments. Unfortunately, many adults today are damaged not by demons or destiny, but by the parenting style they were exposed to. As a marriage counselor, I’ve seen husbands and wives still bleeding from childhood, raising their own kids with inherited pain.
Dear parents, parenting is a ministry. We must be careful not to produce well-fed children with empty souls. Below are 10 parenting styles that may look normal today, yet they produce broken adults tomorrow.
1. The Shouting and Beating Style
Some parents believe the only language children understand is shouting and slapping. Every little mistake is met with verbal abuse. These kids grow up afraid, insecure, and emotionally crippled. They may obey you out of fear, but they will resent you deep inside.
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2. The Over-Pampering Style
This looks like love, but it destroys. Children who are never corrected become adults who cannot take responsibility. They grow up thinking the world owes them everything. Tomorrow, their spouse suffers it. Overpampered boys become lazy husbands; overpampered girls become entitled wives.
3. The Too-Busy Parenting Style
Both parents are pursuing money, ministry, or fame. The children are raised by house-helps, gadgets and cartoons. These kids grow up emotionally detached. They know their parents pay school fees, but they don’t feel loved. Tomorrow, they struggle to love or trust anyone deeply.
4. The Comparison Style
“What’s wrong with you? See your brother!” These words break something inside a child. Comparison breeds jealousy, hatred and low self-esteem. Such children become adults who feel insignificant, who compete instead of connect, all because home trained them to feel inferior.
5. The Military Parenting Style
Rigid rules, no affection, no smile, no praise. Only “Yes sir, No ma.” The children grow up like soldiers, not sons. They find it hard to receive love or show emotion later in life, even in marriage. They obey you, but their hearts are lonely.
6. The Public Shaming Style
Parents who insult their children in public, calling them names, embarrassing them in front of others. Such children grow up feeling worthless. They become adults who hide, avoid people, or over-perform just to prove they are not useless.
7. The Neglect Style
Some parents are physically present but emotionally absent. They never listen, never notice sorrow in their child’s face, never ask “How are you really doing?” These children feel unseen. They grow up emotionally dehydrated, always looking for attention from the wrong hands.
8. The Hypocritical Style
Parents who teach Bible at home but live another life outside. Or parents who praise God in church but fight like enemies at home. Children see everything! Hypocrisy confuses them. They grow up hating religion, distrusting people, and repeating the same double life.
9. The Over-Control Style
Parents who decide everything: school, course, career, who to marry. They suffocate their child’s destiny. That child grows up either rebellious or totally weak. Such adults cannot make decisions, and they blame everybody for how their life turned out.
10. The Conditional Love Style
Parents who only show affection when a child performs well. “You got A’s? I love you. You misbehave? I withdraw love.” This creates adults who are performance-driven. They never feel enough. They end up trying to earn love from friends, spouse, even from God — because home taught them that you are only loved when you are perfect.
Final Thoughts
Dear parents, children don’t just grow; they are trained. Some of us are still healing from childhood wounds, yet God is counting on us to break this evil cycle. Let us raise emotionally whole children. Let us correct with love, discipline with wisdom, listen with our heart, and guide them with prayer.
A healthy child today becomes a healthy spouse tomorrow.
Let us not raise broken adults in the name of “I am the parent.”
If this blessed you, share it with another parent. Let’s heal homes, one family at a time.
Written by Pastor Bisi Adewale
Dear parents, parenting is a ministry. We must be careful not to produce well-fed children with empty souls. Below are 10 parenting styles that may look normal today, yet they produce broken adults tomorrow.
1. The Shouting and Beating Style
Some parents believe the only language children understand is shouting and slapping. Every little mistake is met with verbal abuse. These kids grow up afraid, insecure, and emotionally crippled. They may obey you out of fear, but they will resent you deep inside.
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2. The Over-Pampering Style
This looks like love, but it destroys. Children who are never corrected become adults who cannot take responsibility. They grow up thinking the world owes them everything. Tomorrow, their spouse suffers it. Overpampered boys become lazy husbands; overpampered girls become entitled wives.
3. The Too-Busy Parenting Style
Both parents are pursuing money, ministry, or fame. The children are raised by house-helps, gadgets and cartoons. These kids grow up emotionally detached. They know their parents pay school fees, but they don’t feel loved. Tomorrow, they struggle to love or trust anyone deeply.
4. The Comparison Style
“What’s wrong with you? See your brother!” These words break something inside a child. Comparison breeds jealousy, hatred and low self-esteem. Such children become adults who feel insignificant, who compete instead of connect, all because home trained them to feel inferior.
5. The Military Parenting Style
Rigid rules, no affection, no smile, no praise. Only “Yes sir, No ma.” The children grow up like soldiers, not sons. They find it hard to receive love or show emotion later in life, even in marriage. They obey you, but their hearts are lonely.
6. The Public Shaming Style
Parents who insult their children in public, calling them names, embarrassing them in front of others. Such children grow up feeling worthless. They become adults who hide, avoid people, or over-perform just to prove they are not useless.
7. The Neglect Style
Some parents are physically present but emotionally absent. They never listen, never notice sorrow in their child’s face, never ask “How are you really doing?” These children feel unseen. They grow up emotionally dehydrated, always looking for attention from the wrong hands.
8. The Hypocritical Style
Parents who teach Bible at home but live another life outside. Or parents who praise God in church but fight like enemies at home. Children see everything! Hypocrisy confuses them. They grow up hating religion, distrusting people, and repeating the same double life.
9. The Over-Control Style
Parents who decide everything: school, course, career, who to marry. They suffocate their child’s destiny. That child grows up either rebellious or totally weak. Such adults cannot make decisions, and they blame everybody for how their life turned out.
10. The Conditional Love Style
Parents who only show affection when a child performs well. “You got A’s? I love you. You misbehave? I withdraw love.” This creates adults who are performance-driven. They never feel enough. They end up trying to earn love from friends, spouse, even from God — because home taught them that you are only loved when you are perfect.
Final Thoughts
Dear parents, children don’t just grow; they are trained. Some of us are still healing from childhood wounds, yet God is counting on us to break this evil cycle. Let us raise emotionally whole children. Let us correct with love, discipline with wisdom, listen with our heart, and guide them with prayer.
A healthy child today becomes a healthy spouse tomorrow.
Let us not raise broken adults in the name of “I am the parent.”
If this blessed you, share it with another parent. Let’s heal homes, one family at a time.
Written by Pastor Bisi Adewale
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