One of the greatest tragedies of our time is that many parents live under the same roof with their children, yet their hearts are far away. They pay school fees, provide food, and even live in the same house, but they are absent from the actual lives of their children.
Beloved, parenting is not just about being a “provider” or a “rule maker.” It is about connection, presence, and love. You may think you are available because you live with your children, but if you are not truly involved in their daily lives, you are absent in the things that matter most.
Let me show you 15 signs you may be present in the house but absent in your child’s life. If you notice these signs, it’s a call to change, before it’s too late.
1. You Provide for Their Needs but Not Your Presence
Yes, you buy clothes, pay school fees, and put food on the table. But do you sit with them to share a meal? A child doesn’t only remember the toys you bought, they remember the conversations you had while eating bread together at the table. Providing without presence is like serving food without love, it fills the stomach but starves the soul.
2. You Don’t Know Their Daily Struggles
Do you know the subject your child is struggling with? Do you know the name of their best friend or who is bullying them in class? Many parents are shocked at their child’s pain only when a crisis happens, because they were never listening before.
3. Your Phone Gets More Attention Than Your Child
Many parents hide behind “I’m busy” while scrolling endlessly on their phones. Your child notices when you choose your device over them. Remember: children spell love as T-I-M-E.
4. You Never Listen to Their Stories
Your child wants to tell you about the “funny thing” that happened in class or the cartoon they watched, but you shut them down with “I’m tired.” Little by little, they stop talking. One day, you will ask, “Why doesn’t this child talk to me?” The answer will be simple: you trained them to stop.
5. You Are Always Too Busy with Work or Ministry
Work is important. Ministry is important. But when work and ministry rob you of your family, you are failing where it matters most. God entrusted those children to you. They are not interruptions, they are your assignment.
6. You Don’t Play with Them
Children connect through play. If you can’t kneel on the floor to play with blocks or kick a ball outside, you are missing their world. Play is not childish, it is how children feel loved and understood.
7. You Only Show Up to Correct or Shout
If the only time your children hear your voice is when you are angry, they will associate your presence with fear. Parenting is not just about correction; it is about connection. Balance discipline with affection.
8. You Don’t Know Their Dreams
Ask your child, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” and listen without judgment. If you don’t nurture their dreams, someone else will, and that person may not have their best interests at heart.
9. You Delegate Parenting to Gadgets and Screens
Many parents allow phones, tablets, and TV to raise their children. Technology should be a tool, not a parent. A child raised by screens will be entertained but not truly fathered or mothered.
10. You Don’t Celebrate Their Small Wins
That drawing they made, that spelling test they passed, that attempt to wash the dishes, even if imperfect, needs your applause. Celebrate the small things, and you’ll win their big heart.
11. You Never Say “I Love You”
Don’t assume your children know you love them. They need to hear it. They need to see it in hugs, affirmations, and gentle words. Silence in love is as dangerous as absence in the home.
12. You Don’t Pray with or for Them
A parent who prays for their child but never prays with their child is absent in their spiritual growth. Let your children hear you call their names before God. It will shape their faith forever.
13. You Compare Them with Others
“Why can’t you be like your sister?” “See your mate!” These words wound deeply. Comparison makes a child withdraw. Instead of comparing, guide them to grow.
14. You Don’t Know Their Love Language
Every child has a unique way they feel loved, through words, touch, gifts, time, or acts of service. If you miss their love language, you may be giving but they still feel empty.
15. You Think There’s Still Time
Perhaps the greatest deception parents believe is: “I will spend more time when they grow older.” By then, it may be too late. The child who wanted you at five may not care at fifteen. Their hearts are shaped in the little years. Don’t postpone love.
Final Word
Beloved, children are not asking for perfect parents, they are asking for present ones. Your presence is the greatest gift you can ever give them.
Don’t just live in the same house with your children. Live in their hearts. Enter their world. Be there for their laughter, their tears, their fears, their questions. That’s where true parenting happens.
Wisdom for Couples and Parents: Parenting is not about the roof you provide but the roots you plant. Build memories, not regrets. Be truly present.
I have a parenting Guide for you, you can do parenting with ease, I wrote a book "Parenting without Tears" you can get a copy via this link: >>> Parenting without tears
Beloved, parenting is not just about being a “provider” or a “rule maker.” It is about connection, presence, and love. You may think you are available because you live with your children, but if you are not truly involved in their daily lives, you are absent in the things that matter most.
Let me show you 15 signs you may be present in the house but absent in your child’s life. If you notice these signs, it’s a call to change, before it’s too late.
1. You Provide for Their Needs but Not Your Presence
Yes, you buy clothes, pay school fees, and put food on the table. But do you sit with them to share a meal? A child doesn’t only remember the toys you bought, they remember the conversations you had while eating bread together at the table. Providing without presence is like serving food without love, it fills the stomach but starves the soul.
2. You Don’t Know Their Daily Struggles
Do you know the subject your child is struggling with? Do you know the name of their best friend or who is bullying them in class? Many parents are shocked at their child’s pain only when a crisis happens, because they were never listening before.
3. Your Phone Gets More Attention Than Your Child
Many parents hide behind “I’m busy” while scrolling endlessly on their phones. Your child notices when you choose your device over them. Remember: children spell love as T-I-M-E.
4. You Never Listen to Their Stories
Your child wants to tell you about the “funny thing” that happened in class or the cartoon they watched, but you shut them down with “I’m tired.” Little by little, they stop talking. One day, you will ask, “Why doesn’t this child talk to me?” The answer will be simple: you trained them to stop.
5. You Are Always Too Busy with Work or Ministry
Work is important. Ministry is important. But when work and ministry rob you of your family, you are failing where it matters most. God entrusted those children to you. They are not interruptions, they are your assignment.
6. You Don’t Play with Them
Children connect through play. If you can’t kneel on the floor to play with blocks or kick a ball outside, you are missing their world. Play is not childish, it is how children feel loved and understood.
7. You Only Show Up to Correct or Shout
If the only time your children hear your voice is when you are angry, they will associate your presence with fear. Parenting is not just about correction; it is about connection. Balance discipline with affection.
8. You Don’t Know Their Dreams
Ask your child, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” and listen without judgment. If you don’t nurture their dreams, someone else will, and that person may not have their best interests at heart.
9. You Delegate Parenting to Gadgets and Screens
Many parents allow phones, tablets, and TV to raise their children. Technology should be a tool, not a parent. A child raised by screens will be entertained but not truly fathered or mothered.
10. You Don’t Celebrate Their Small Wins
That drawing they made, that spelling test they passed, that attempt to wash the dishes, even if imperfect, needs your applause. Celebrate the small things, and you’ll win their big heart.
11. You Never Say “I Love You”
Don’t assume your children know you love them. They need to hear it. They need to see it in hugs, affirmations, and gentle words. Silence in love is as dangerous as absence in the home.
12. You Don’t Pray with or for Them
A parent who prays for their child but never prays with their child is absent in their spiritual growth. Let your children hear you call their names before God. It will shape their faith forever.
13. You Compare Them with Others
“Why can’t you be like your sister?” “See your mate!” These words wound deeply. Comparison makes a child withdraw. Instead of comparing, guide them to grow.
14. You Don’t Know Their Love Language
Every child has a unique way they feel loved, through words, touch, gifts, time, or acts of service. If you miss their love language, you may be giving but they still feel empty.
15. You Think There’s Still Time
Perhaps the greatest deception parents believe is: “I will spend more time when they grow older.” By then, it may be too late. The child who wanted you at five may not care at fifteen. Their hearts are shaped in the little years. Don’t postpone love.
Final Word
Beloved, children are not asking for perfect parents, they are asking for present ones. Your presence is the greatest gift you can ever give them.
Don’t just live in the same house with your children. Live in their hearts. Enter their world. Be there for their laughter, their tears, their fears, their questions. That’s where true parenting happens.
Wisdom for Couples and Parents: Parenting is not about the roof you provide but the roots you plant. Build memories, not regrets. Be truly present.
I have a parenting Guide for you, you can do parenting with ease, I wrote a book "Parenting without Tears" you can get a copy via this link: >>> Parenting without tears
Please share this, it may save a child from silent scars.
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