#For all the single and married men:
In this part of the world, when a marriage is succeeding, the society praises and celebrates the husband alone. And when the marriage fails, it's the wife who bears all the blame and shame alone. But that's wrong. What if the man was the cause of the problem or divorce?
I think it's high time people did the right thing. Praise or blame should be apportioned accordingly, not according to one's gender. In Africa, the husband most times, if not all the time, is right, and the wife most times is wrong. Hmmmm,!
This narrative must change. Spouses should be blamed accordingly. Blame who should be blamed and praise who should be praised. That's what the Bible teaches--- justice and fairness.
It's no more news that marriages experience conflicts sometimes. These conflicts could be spiritual, financial, sexual, material, familial or attitudinal in nature. The issue isn't whether or not spouses experience conflicts, but how they resolve them? While it's expected for both spouses to seek for a resolution during conflicts, because that's the standard practice, but sometimes, that doesn't happen. In such a situation, what then should be done?
As the head of the family, I advise that the man should demonstrate greater maturity by initiating the move for a resolution even if he thinks he is right. Nothing breaks up a marriage like a scenario whereby the two spouses are trying to prove their innocence in a case or justify their actions or inactions. Remember, two wrongs never make a right. Please understand that.
As husbands, our position in the family is a call to a higher life of marital operations. Honestly, being a true head requires a lot of love, understanding, patience, tolerance, forgiveness and overlooking. If as a man, you are the type who likes to prove a point in all conflicts with your spouse, you won't be able to be that true head you're called to be. A head means a LEADER, not a LORD.
Most times in marriage, winning isn't about winning one's spouse in all arguments. It's about playing the "fool" sometimes by overlooking many things. While both spouses are expected to overlook each other's imperfections, the husband should do more of that because he is the leader.
Sadly, many men are not raised to be leaders in marriage but lords. They're only raised to be bosses and not friends. They are raised to be camp commandants and not partners. They are raised to be in full "control" of the spouse and not to be best friend of the wife. Little wonder why when offended, will be hardened to the point that the wife may have to summon the elders in the village to beg him. That isn't what leaders do; it's what lords do. As a husband, must you always report your wife to your own family or hers? Can't you deal with the issues yourself? Please don't get me wrong on this: I am not saying that some cases should not be escalated if need be. No. I am talking about the trivial issues. Things that are not complex in nature. Please deal with them. Period!
Honestly, many marriages would have been saved from breaking up, if only the husbands in those marriages had acted like true leaders. But unfortunately, many acted as lords.
Dear husbands, it's alright to be firm as the leader in your marriage. But don't be to the extreme. That leadership style robs marriage of its sweetness, fun, happiness, bliss and fulfillment. Marriage is not a prison yard because your wife isn't a prisoner. Marriage is not bondage because your wife isn't a slave. Marriage is fun because you and your wife are expected to be best of friends.
Therefore, today, I invite all the husbands to become leaders and not lords in their marriage. In my marriage, I am a leader, not a lord. Many thanks for reading, commenting, liking and sharing.
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Marriage