Wisdom for Couples
Marriage is a beautiful gift from God, but it takes more than love to keep it strong. It requires wisdom, daily, practical wisdom. Sadly, many couples don’t realize that their lack of wisdom is silently eating away at the very foundation of their union. You may not be fighting openly, yet the cracks are widening. You may still smile in public, but the distance is growing at home.
If you truly desire a joyful and lasting marriage, pay attention to these 10 silent ways lack of wisdom is destroying your relationship.
1. Failure to Listen Deeply
Many couples talk, but very few truly listen. When you don’t listen to your spouse, you send a message that their thoughts don’t matter. Over time, silence builds walls where love once stood.
Wisdom says: “Quick to hear, slow to speak.” Take time to listen, not just with your ears but with your heart. Sometimes your spouse doesn’t need advice, they just need to know they are heard and valued.
Illustration: Imagine a wife who tries to share her struggles at work, but her husband cuts her off with solutions. She doesn’t feel understood. The next time, she stays silent. Slowly, communication dies, not because of big fights but because of little unwise habits.
2. Comparing Your Spouse to Others
Comparison is silent poison. Saying, “See how Mr. A treats his wife” or “Look at how Mrs. B supports her husband” may sound harmless, but it wounds deeply. Nobody thrives under constant comparison.
Wisdom says: Celebrate your spouse’s uniqueness. Stop measuring them against friends, neighbors, or social media couples. Behind every perfect photo online is an imperfect story you don’t see.
3. Ignoring Emotional Needs
It is unwise to assume that meeting financial or physical needs is enough. Marriage is not just about paying bills or sharing a bed, it’s about connecting emotionally. When you neglect your spouse’s emotional world, you leave them lonely even in marriage.
Wisdom says: Ask questions like, “How are you really feeling?” or “What’s on your mind today?” Make emotional connection part of your daily routine.
4. Lack of Respect in Small Things
Disrespect is not only shouting or insulting. Sometimes it is rolling your eyes, dismissing ideas, or interrupting your spouse in conversations. These small acts of disrespect quietly destroy intimacy.
Wisdom says: Treat your spouse as you would treat your most honored guest. Show courtesy, say “thank you,” “please,” and “sorry.” Respect is love in action.
5. Uncontrolled Anger
An angry word spoken in two seconds can take two years to heal. Many marriages are wounded not by what couples do in love but by what they say in anger.
Wisdom says: Learn to pause before responding. Walk away if you must, pray if you can, breathe before you speak. A wise couple knows that peace is more valuable than winning an argument.
6. Taking Each Other for Granted
At the beginning of marriage, couples appreciate every gesture, “thank you for the meal,” “thank you for helping with the kids.” But as years pass, familiarity creeps in, and gratitude disappears.
Wisdom says: Never stop appreciating. Marriage flourishes where gratitude flows. No matter how small the act, washing the dishes, fixing a bulb, cooking a meal, say “thank you.” Gratitude keeps love alive.
7. Neglecting Intimacy
Lack of wisdom makes some couples believe intimacy will take care of itself. But the truth is: intimacy must be nurtured. When couples stop holding hands, laughing together, praying together, or even enjoying physical closeness, the marriage becomes mechanical.
Wisdom says: Keep the flame burning. Date your spouse again. Hold hands in public. Whisper sweet words. Intimacy is not a luxury, it is oxygen for your marriage.
8. Keeping Secrets
Secrecy silently kills trust. Hidden bank accounts, private chats, concealed purchases, these things may look harmless at first but eventually create suspicion and distance.
Wisdom says: Transparency builds trust. Be open with your spouse about your struggles, finances, and even mistakes. It’s better to hear the truth directly from you than to discover it elsewhere.
9. Neglecting Spiritual Growth Together
A couple that prays together stays stronger together. Many homes are in trouble not because they don’t love each other, but because they don’t invite God into their daily journey.
Wisdom says: Don’t only pray individually, pray as a couple. Read the Word together. When God is at the center, wisdom flows naturally.
10. Pride and Unwillingness to Apologize
Nothing destroys faster than pride. A marriage where nobody says “I’m sorry” will soon become a marriage where nobody speaks at all.
Wisdom says: Saying sorry doesn’t make you weak; it makes you wise. It is not about who is right but about keeping the relationship right. A simple, sincere apology can heal deep wounds.
Final Word from Pastor Bisi Adewale
Dear couples, marriage is too precious to be destroyed by silent mistakes. Wisdom is the glue that keeps love alive. If you notice any of these silent killers in your relationship, don’t ignore them. Start making changes today.
Remember, love may bring you together, but wisdom will keep you together. May your home be filled with peace, joy, and wisdom in Jesus’ name.
If this article blessed you, share it with couples you care about. You may be saving a marriage silently crying for help.
Written by Pastor Bisi Adewale
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