I understand that feeling, when you realize that you are the one planning almost everything.
The one reaching out, trying, giving, loving — while they just receive.
Sometimes, you start ask yourself:
“Do they love me the way I love them?”
Feeling like you love your spouse more than they love you isn’t just painful — it’s lonely, especially in a relationship that’s supposed to be mutual.
Sometimes, you start ask yourself:
“Do they love me the way I love them?”
Feeling like you love your spouse more than they love you isn’t just painful — it’s lonely, especially in a relationship that’s supposed to be mutual.
Here's Why This Happens
1. Different Love Languages: You may show love through words and affection, while your spouse may express love through acts of service or responsibility. It’s not that they don’t care — they may just be speaking a language you’re not recognizing.
2. Emotional Imbalance Over Time: When one partner consistently over functions (doing all the emotional work), the other may under function — not always from laziness, but from comfort, habit, or assumption that “everything’s fine.”
3. Stress and Disconnection: Sometimes the distance isn’t about you — it’s about life. Work, parenting, finances, or personal struggles can make your partner emotionally unavailable without realizing it.
4. Resentment That Wasn’t Addressed: Unspoken frustrations build walls. If one or both partners have unresolved hurts, it may show up as indifference, withdrawal, or coldness — even though love is still there beneath the surface.
What You Can Do
Start With Honest Communication: Instead of accusing — “You don’t love me like I love you!”, try vulnerability–“Lately, I feel like I’m the only one reaching out. I miss feeling chosen. Can we talk about it?”
Invite Partnership, Not Performance: Your partner isn’t your project. Let them know what you need emotionally, but also invite them into shared responsibility for the relationship — with love, not pressure.
Check the Story You’re Telling Yourself: Are you assuming they don’t love you because they express it differently? Or because they’re not meeting your unspoken expectations? Reflect on whether your feelings match their intentions or just their actions.
Ask What Love Looks Like for Them: You might be giving them what you define as love… not what they need or understand. Invite mutual clarity and find the sweet spot where both of you feel seen.
Don’t Keep Score: Love isn’t a competition. While balance is important, true love gives — not to earn back, but to build up. If you’re always giving but never refilled, it’s time for a reset, not revenge.
Feeling like you love your spouse more can be disheartening — but it doesn’t always mean they love you less.
Sometimes, it means they show it differently.
Sometimes, it means life got loud and love got quiet.
And sometimes, it’s a signal to pause, talk, adjust, and realign.
Because a healthy marriage isn’t about who loves more — it’s about both partners learning how to love better.
0 Comments