12 Myths About Marriage.

1. THE HUSBAND WILL LEAD IN EVERYTHING. This myth has led many wives to take a back sit expecting the husband to initiate everything. The truth is, a husband has limits and both the husband and the wife bring to the marriage unique strengths and abilities. 

If there are areas where the wife is good at and she enjoys doing, she can initiate a conversation about that, they discuss and agree on how to go about it. Husbands, when your wife takes initiative in an area in your marriage, don't take a back seat. Support her, appreciate her. Being the head doesn't mean you will think of everything or identify every area of growth; but that you provide the right environment where your joint vision can be executed.

2. YOUR SPOUSE'S LOVE LANGUAGE IS FIXED. The five languages are physical touch, acts of service, words of affirmation, quality time and gifts. Because humans are not fixed beings, also their love language is not fixed. You might find that when you met each other, your wife loved receiving gifts but as she grew older, she hungered more for quality time. You might find that when your husband was busy working, he wanted more of acts of service such as you making him coffee when he is rushing to beat deadlines but as he approaches retirement he thirsts more after words of affirmation to remind him all his work through the years was worth it. Learn to study your spouse and package your love based on the season you two are in.

3. THE WIFE IS TO TOLERATE. In Kiswahili this myth says "Mwanamke ni kuvumilia", said to encourage women to put up with the unacceptable in marriage. Husbands, it should hurt you when the wife you pursued for yourself is suffering in a union you initiated and a family called by your name. It should make you feel bad that the life partner in the team you are leading is not happy. Take pride in your home to the point you desire that your wife and children enjoy the love that you started.

4. IF YOU LOVE EACH OTHER YOU TWO WILL NEVER DISAGREE. This has made some couples avoid difficult conversations or get scared when they have a disagreement. In as much you two are one, you are both still uniquely different, you will not always have the same view points. 

The mature thing to do is to learn to debate without shouting or attacking, hear each other out, come to a decision that accommodates both of your fears, expectations and desires. Marriage is about unity, not uniformity.

5. INTIMACY WILL BE FREQUENT. Intimacy is a key part of marriage, but don't let its frequency be the key metric to measure if all is well in your marriage. There will be weeks when it will happen a lot and weeks when it will happen less. 

The truth is, in marriage, sex will be easily available and when something is abundant, people tend to desire it less. Which is why it is important for you two to deliberately keep the fire alive and avoid monotony in the bedroom department.

6. IT IS ALWAYS THE HUSBAND TO BLAME.  This myth has made the husbands to be seen as the weak link in marriage and for women to not address their wrongs. It is the same as to how we often talk about daddy wounds yet mommy wounds also exist. 

Sometimes the woman is the main problem in the marriage as she keeps pointing a finger to the husband. Marriage is not about accusing each but both owning up to their weaknesses and being open to correction.

7. INFIDELITY IS THE WORST THING YOU CAN DO TO YOUR SPOUSE. You could be sexually faithful to your spouse but hurting her/him in the most painful of ways; perhaps by ignoring your spouse, making your spouse feel disrespected, giving your spouse silent treatment, financially or abusing your spouse or derailing your spouse's advancement. 

Just because you are not sleeping around doesn't mean you are a good husband/wife; the question is, how are you treating your spouse?

8. THE HONEYMOON PERIOD HAS TO END.  This myth has made many spouse's lazy and become comfortable in marriage. The honeymoon was sweet, because you were motivated to please your spouse; soon, one of you got comfortable and the other got discouraged to do special things and your marriage become dry. 

This is why it is important not to stop dating and chasing after your spouse's smile. Unfortunately, some people are putting that effort in making another person outside the marriage smile.

9. CHILDREN ARE A BLESSING TO EVERY MARRIAGE. Most marriages get shaken when children come in the picture, especially when the two were not prepared. In this case, children can become the biggest challenge to the marriage; the two focusing on being father and mother that they forget to remain husband and wife. 

Eventually, this drifting away ends up affecting the children negatively. This is why it is important for a couple to intentionally stay connected as a couple and make sure that the children, who will eventually move out, do not cause a deterioration in a love that was so beautiful in the beginning.

10. THE DEVIL IS THE CAUSE OF MANY MARRIAGES FAILING. We make the devil famous and give him credit far too much. The truth is, most marriages are crumbling, not because the devil is working overtime, but because of lack of knowledge. Godly marriages are perishing due to lack of knowledge. 

This lack of knowledge is brought about by pride or ignorant. Which is why it is important for a couple to be teachable, to seek to understand how best to relate, to ask for wisdom on how to navigate issues and pursue content and participate in forums that make them better husbands and wives; just like they study and take courses to be better professionals.

11. YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HOW YOUR PARTNER INTERPRETS WHAT YOU SAY. Imagine a corporate company saying, "We are not responsible for how our customers interpret our commercials", that company will collapse. 

Instead, corporate companies go out of their way to make sure they communicate effectively to maintain a healthy relationship with their customer; shouldn't you do the same with your spouse to maintain a healthy relationship? Isn't your marriage more important than selling goods and services? Communication is key in marriage, ensure that your spouse gets clearly that you love him/her and what you mean. Don't have a don't care attitude.

12. YOUR SPOUSE WILL NEVER CHANGE. No one remains the same, people change; the question is, is your spouse changing for good or for bad? Spending years together you should see your spouse evolving. This means don't write off your spouse, he/she can become a better person; don't remain stagnant, seek growth together as a couple.

Don't remain stuck in the same conversations,  challenges and issues; and match each other's growth so that none is left behind.

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