This article discusses the significance of spiritual growth and the development of godly characteristics in a future partner. Is going to highlight how qualities like patience, humility, and self-control contribute to a successful marriage.
1) THE FEAR OF THE LORD: You need a man who fears the Lord; who runs away from anything that God hates; who loves to do righteousness and hates sin. It is such men who have in them the grace to love dutifully using the agape love that the Holy Spirit supplies in their hearts even when their partners are not deserving or misbehaving. It is this kind of man who will stay faithful to you in your marriage no matter the situation. The popular way to describe these people is that they are born again, born of the Spirit. The wicked nature of the devil in them has been removed and replaced with the nature of God.
These are men who have surrendered their hearts to the Lord. This is the first and most important thing you need to look out for in knowing the right man. A man who is pressuring you into premarital sexual immoralities is not likely to fall into this category (because He obviously doesn’t fear the Lord- that’s why God could say, “Don’t touch it” and yet he’s touching it.) Or a man who doesn't even like to go to church; who drinks and parties wildly. You will do yourself a great favor to run away from such men if a peaceful, faithful, and loving marriage is what you're looking for.
2) YOU NEED A MAN WHO IS GROWING SPIRITUALLY, who is being trained in (and is exhibiting) godly characteristics: patience, humility, self-control, forbearance, etc. You will need all these virtues in your marriage. These are the virtues that make the marriage work. Not money or big body endowment and bum. If it were money, the two richest men in the world wouldn’t be divorced today. If it were big ass and dick, then some of our Nollywood and Hollywood stars who have these bountifully should have the best homes. But no, most of them are divorced; and a lot of those who don’t have dysfunctional homes. You need to know today that the success of a marriage is dependent on the continuous exhibition of the fruit(s) of the Spirit in his life and yours.
A man who is not patient and self-controlled is quick to anger and that's not a good man to marry. He will terrorize you throughout your marital life. A man who hasn't grown in humility will not know how to respect you as a woman. He will find it a big deal to serve you. “Mine, please can you help me take this bag to the bus stop?” He will think that's disrespectful. He will be very oppressive and arrogant. Won't consider your opinions on issues before making his decisions. You won't find this funny at all. So you need to ask yourself- has this man matured in godly character? If he is a nominal or baby Christian who has not grown, you need to give him space to grow first before it will be safe to go into marriage with him.
3) A MAN THAT HAS A SENSE OF PURPOSE: God called you a helper to your husband. It follows therefore that you ought to be hooked in marriage with a man who has something he is doing for God, for which he needs a helping hand. Marrying a man who has no sense of purpose or destiny is planning to be small in life. All your grace and abilities could be carried into the grave because the man who is supposed to create a platform for their full expression never rose to his responsibilities. Many women who had great potential have become shadows of what they could have become because they married a man who has no vision or who only talks loudly about his vision without ever rousing himself to fulfill it.
4) A MAN WHO IS TRACEABLE AND CONTROLLABLE: What I mean by this is that the man must have someone he fears and listens to whom he can reach out to if and when there is a problem between you two. Someone who can talk to him and he will listen. Don't marry a man who is not accountable to anyone. You will suffer greatly in his hands.
God commands that you submit to him in everything, but there are times when you believe submitting to him is dangerous because the decision he has made is dangerous. At such a time, you need someone that you can drag him to (Like a Court of Appeal) who can help you review his decision for the safety of the entire family. And that person should be someone he has personally introduced to you as his father in the Lord.
God commands that you submit to him in everything, but there are times when you believe submitting to him is dangerous because the decision he has made is dangerous. At such a time, you need someone that you can drag him to (Like a Court of Appeal) who can help you review his decision for the safety of the entire family. And that person should be someone he has personally introduced to you as his father in the Lord.
If you report him to a friend, a friend can only persuade him - he doesn’t have the authority to instruct him to change his decision. Neither can his siblings or Parents in most cases. So you need to ask any man who is interested in you, please who is your ‘disciple? Who is the person that can say, “Peniela (let’s assume that’s his name), see me tomorrow at 6 pm,” and you respect him to the point you won’t get there a minute late? (My wife knows who that man is and I gave her the right to report me anytime she deems fit without having to get any clearance from me!!!)
If he doesn't have such a man in his life, don't follow him. I’m just concerned about your mental health. If he says he has one, be sure their relationship is active. Many people have ‘disciples in word only. Who is not in touch with those ‘disciples? Who doesn't give those ‘disciples access to what is going on in their lives?
5) A MAN WHO IS GENEROUS AND KIND: You want to check if the man is kind and generous. When he has, does he freely give or he is stingy? How does he treat people around him? With respect or otherwise? How does he treat his parents and siblings? If he is an employer, how does he treat his employees? Does he respect them or does he trample on them? How he treats these people who are closest to him is how he will treat you later on.
A man who treats his family members badly and talks to people anyhow will treat you the same way or worse after he marries you and he knows you can no longer escape. If you’re the only one he treats with respect and courtesy, don’t be deceived, that’s not his real person. His real person can only show in the way he treats those he has known and lived with for so long. You need a man who is kind, who will respect you, who will treat you like the queen that you are.
6) DOES HE HAVE A SENSE OF RESPONSIBILITY? This is very important. You sustain a marriage with friendship and a sense of responsibility. You'll be amazed that responsibilities can sometimes dominate marriage more than romance. So he must be serious with his job or business or calling. He needs some modest income at least to take care of the family.
But a sense of responsibility goes beyond having an income. Some have an income but they spend the money carelessly. To drink and party. Some don't know how to manage their resources. They spend to impress people. No sense of financial planning. No sense of investment to prepare for the future. Every woman needs a man who has modest learning in savings and investments. Who has studied materials on how to manage money and its supply?
But beyond this, a sense of responsibility also speaks to how much he manages you to fulfill your potential as his woman. Is he passionate about helping you to fulfill your dreams? Does he go out of his way to do stuff to assist you in your career like helping you to fix your CV; browsing the internet to see if there's an opening somewhere; researching on your behalf professional courses that can enhance your career; going out of his way for you.
7) LET THE HOLY SPIRIT GUIDE YOU. After you've considered all the six tips above and the man has gotten a passing mark, you need to now speak to God. Get His advice. Ask Him to show you danger signs you may not be seeing. He can see what man cannot see. Do it yourself. Not a prophet. And be ready to respect whatever counsel God gives to you. If the guy doesn't have any 1, 2 & 5, don't bother even praying about him. 1&2 should easily produce 3, 4&6 in a man who is engaging 1&2 well.
Regarding that no. 5, if the issue with the guy is that he hasn't yet gotten a well-paying job or his business is just growing, that doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't have a sense of responsibility. How you'll know is what he does with the little he has and how he takes initiative. His drive too. But if it's clear he has no sense of responsibility; you may want to avoid a very frustrating future.
But I hope you’re working on 1-6 also. Whatever is good for the goose is good for the gander. A man who is rooted in 1-6 will likely desire a woman who has similar qualities. So, get to work yourself.
I hope these seven tips can provide useful guides to help you make the right decision. I hope you will not make the wrong choice. I am pleading with God that He won’t permit that even if it remains the final minute. I wish you the best.
Please feel free to ask questions relating to marriage or dating relationships, we are willing to attend to your questions