I am writing to bring some clarity on this often misunderstood subject in marriage: Provision for the family.
I will try as much as possible to be down-to-earth. I will not bombard you with exegetical and scholastic theories. I will not even use scriptures to show you how theologically deep I am. I will speak in the simplest of terms. It's a long article, but please stay with me!
Now, what is marriage?
It is the union of a man and a woman who have decided to become spouses. Marriage is the bedrock of the family.
I will try as much as possible to be down-to-earth. I will not bombard you with exegetical and scholastic theories. I will not even use scriptures to show you how theologically deep I am. I will speak in the simplest of terms. It's a long article, but please stay with me!
Now, what is marriage?
It is the union of a man and a woman who have decided to become spouses. Marriage is the bedrock of the family.
What's family?
It's that small unit of society that consists of a father, mother, and children. To ensure direction and orderliness, God made man the head. The head, in the context of marriage, is a leader, not a boss. Headship is leadership and not lordship.
In an ideal marriage, it is a couple's responsibility to cater to or provide for the children. It's so because it's the husband and the wife who decided to have children.
Although both spouses are partners in progress, the Creator wants the husband to lead by example. So every husband is to take the lead with matters of providing for the family. He must act first.
Ideally, the husband and the wife should provide for the children they have together. My advice, however, is that given the fact that our society doesn't see things this way, both lovers should discuss and agree first on how to provide for the family during courtship. Whatever decision or method they adopt is fine by the Creator. It's their marriage, not God's.
Dear men, providing for the family isn't synonymous with earning more than a wife. They are two different things. To provide a means of meeting the family's needs within your financial capabilities. Earning more simply means making more money than the other partner.
For instance, as a man, if you are earning N100,000 monthly and your wife is earning N150,000 or more, you are to provide for the family within your monthly earnings.
You don't have to earn as much as or more than your wife before you will know that you are providing. Earning more or less than your wife isn't the crux of the matter, but living up to your parental responsibility within your earning power.
In many marriages today, many wives are earning far more than their husbands but you might never know. Those men don't feel bad, insecure, or unhappy around their highly achieving wives. Marriage isn't a competition, but a partnership. Earning more or less isn't what makes man the head. The headship of man is a divine selection. He didn't meet any requirements.
In many marriages today, many wives are earning far more than their husbands but you might never know. Those men don't feel bad, insecure, or unhappy around their highly achieving wives. Marriage isn't a competition, but a partnership. Earning more or less isn't what makes man the head. The headship of man is a divine selection. He didn't meet any requirements.
Here are the reasons why some wives earn more than their husbands:
1. Educational qualifications factor:
In many marriages, the wives are more educated than the husbands.
E g:
Husband (primary 5 levels of education) --wife (OND)
Husband (O'level)---wife (BSc)
Husband (OND)---wife (Masters)
Husband (Bsc)---wife (MBA or Ph.D.)
Etc...
2. Family background and status factor:
Some wives are from wealthy family backgrounds while their husbands are from poor family backgrounds.
3. Industry/sector factor:
All sectors don't remunerate the same way. While some sectors remunerate very well, others don't.
E.g: The husband is a school teacher in one small private school in the neighborhood while the wife works with Mobil. Your guess is as good as mine.
4. Position factor:
In many marriages, the wives are top management staff members whereas the husbands are junior workers at their places of work.
5. Better opportunities factor:
In many marriages, the wives have been so fortunate to get better life opportunities than their husbands.
6. Missed life-changing opportunities factor:
In many marriages, while the wives recognized and grabbed their life-changing opportunities, the husbands didn't. That can make a wife earn more than her husband.
7. Better, bigger, and thriving business factor:
In many marriages, the two spouses are into business. While the wife is in a line of business that is better, has a bigger investment, and is thriving, the husband is just the opposite.
Dear spouses, marriage is supposed to be led like a partnership where the two spouses support each other to fulfill God's purpose for their lives.
As a man, if you earn more than your wife, fine. However, should your wife earn more than you, don't feel insecure or bitter about it and around her. It's not her making. Sometimes, it happens that way.
In many marriages, the two spouses are into business. While the wife is in a line of business that is better, has a bigger investment, and is thriving, the husband is just the opposite.
Dear spouses, marriage is supposed to be led like a partnership where the two spouses support each other to fulfill God's purpose for their lives.
As a man, if you earn more than your wife, fine. However, should your wife earn more than you, don't feel insecure or bitter about it and around her. It's not her making. Sometimes, it happens that way.
Now, to my lovely ladies:
Earning more or less than a spouse has nothing to do with the headship in the family. The headship is a divine selection. While many wives who earn more than their husbands are doing great, others are not. Please stop telling your husband that you earn more than him. Stop telling him that he is a failure for earning less than you. Stop displaying attitudes that suggest that you are mocking him for being where he is financially.
Lastly, when a husband earns more than his wife, he doesn't rub it on his wife's face. But with many wives when they earn more than their husbands, the whole compound and her family will know about it. But why?
I hope you have heard me very clearly.
Earning more or less than a spouse has nothing to do with the headship in the family. The headship is a divine selection. While many wives who earn more than their husbands are doing great, others are not. Please stop telling your husband that you earn more than him. Stop telling him that he is a failure for earning less than you. Stop displaying attitudes that suggest that you are mocking him for being where he is financially.
Lastly, when a husband earns more than his wife, he doesn't rub it on his wife's face. But with many wives when they earn more than their husbands, the whole compound and her family will know about it. But why?
I hope you have heard me very clearly.
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