Thursday, October 27, 2022

How To Overcome The Problem Of Toxic Marriage Or Relationship


To effectively deal with a situation, we usually, first of all, need to diagnose and find out what causes the problem, and today you will be learning various reasons why people stay in a toxic relationship and what should be done. 
Recently news made it around that a man set his wife ablaze, she died, and the man was burnt a little and is currently hospitalized. People who talked about it said it was because he was a jealous and insecure lover. 

The reason for killing his wife was because she traveled to see her dead mother and didn't bring back her stuff as she saw it as stressful carrying big bags up and down since she would be going back to bury her. Also, it was said that the man prevented her from having a social life both on and off social media. Every call she gets, she must answer her husband who the person was and so many other things. 
Now one would wonder why such a person will stay in such a relationship or marriage and not run for their life. In her case, I don't know her reasons or excuses, but have counseled a few people in a toxic relationship; these are my top 5 reasons or excuses people give for staying back. 

I want you to check each one out because, for some of you, this might be your case, but you aren't aware. 
1) What will people say? This is especially for those who have put out their relationship status online and who they are dating. They are more concerned about people's opinions than the heat on the ground. So they want to keep pleasing their followers
My thought: Whatever people will say is none of your business. No matter what you do, people will still have something to say. If you die, they must say something. The truth is that those people you are trying to please 99 percent of them don't actually care. They are just there for the story. Be wise. If the relationship is not working, leave. People will be alright. Give them two weeks they will all move on. 

2) Fear of starting all over again. Someone said to me, sir, I have built a lot with him. I have invested a lot in this relationship. Suppose I leave now; I don't know where to start or how to start. If I leave him now, then I feel I lost out. What's the guarantee that the next person will be better? These and many more are usually what most people feel. 
My thoughts: There is a much bigger guarantee that if you leave now that you will meet someone better if you do the right thing compared to staying here that you are not loved or here that you are just an object that he hits all the time or she abuses all the time. Starting over again might look hard, but it is far better than dying or damaging your mental health because you are scared of the unknown. 

3) Belief that they will change or that they can change their partner.  A lot of people are so positive that they start to believe in things that will never happen. Is it a bad thing to believe someone will change? No. The subject of human behavioral change is something that many people need to understand it's not within your power to change anybody. 
My thought: Going into marriage or staying with a toxic partner with the belief that they will change is the worse thing that you will do to yourself. It's dangerous to believe that others will change at the cost of your mental health. If care is not taken, they will be the ones changing you from who you are to becoming the shadow of yourself where you start to question your abilities. Therefore find your way out now. 

4) Soul ties. This is usually not a subject we talk about often. The tricky thing about soul ties is that it's not a bad thing, but it becomes bad when you get yourself soul tied with the wrong person. The case of soul ties is usually unconscious and difficult for most people who stay in toxic relationships or marriages to notice. At this level, they are deeply in love and usually feel they can't be without the people they are in a relationship with, which is why after every abuse, they still carry themselves back into the relationship. 
My thoughts: If you find yourself in this position where you don't know why you keep going back to someone who abuses you, or you stay and can't leave an abusive marriage, this is the case for you. Breaking a soul tie is not the easiest, but it's doable. You have to seek God and seek help. You need to get disconnected from that tie so that you can be free and move on. 

5) They have kids together. Well, I know this most time is usually the most difficult. People today are having sex outside of marriage. Married people are having sex too, and a child or children can happen in the process. At this point, for most people, it becomes hard to leave when they are treated badly because of the kids. It's no longer news that most mothers stay in toxic marriages because of their kids. 
My thoughts: I know this is a tough situation. Personally, I want every child to grow up with a father and mother beside them, but sometimes this will not be the case. It's hard, but if you are physically abused, you need to leave because you need to be alive first to look after those kids. In the case of this man that killed his wife out of insecurity, what if they had kids? She can't take care of them anymore. So which is better? Staying alive and taking care of them close or from a distance and getting yourself killed because you won't leave?

You deserve to be happy in your relationship or marriage. So if you are holding yourself back from leaving that situation where you are being abused, I encourage you today to take a step of faith and change the rest of your life. 
You deserve better. 

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