Wednesday, August 3, 2022


Trigger Warning ⚠️ 
(You will be glad you read this though)
1 can cook. I have been doing this since my undergraduate days. 
I can clean. I have been doing that for as long as I can remember. 
I will look after my kids too. Play with them. Make out time for them. Do everything I need to do for them. I can do a lot more for my home.

Sure, I can't give birth to the kids. I need a wife for that. I guess this is the only reason I should need a wife. Hmm. But then I can adopt a child and be a single dad for life. 
This makes me wonder what I need a woman for as a man. For sex? Sex seems to be a good reason as it can't be done outside marriage as a Christian. But then. I can live and die without sex. I have been without it since birth, so I don't see why I can't survive without it till death. So why do I need a wife?
The issue is that most women have tied their relevance to a man to all these house chores and the likes. While some men may need that, that should not be the primary reason why a man should need you in his life if you know your worth. 

There is no place in the Bible recorded that the woman is supposed to be the one doing domestic functions. The Bible called women helpmate but didn't specify the kind of help you would be rendering, so the man, in their wisdom of old, decided what to practice based on how their time permitted them, and that was passed down from generation to generation. 
These things were traditions of old. That's why people use the phrase, traditional men/women. They are man-made, and the people of those times saw the need to put women in that position as the men went out to get the daily bread. So the man took up the financial responsibility of the home while the woman took up the domestic responsibility. 

So today, when women are asked what they can offer a man, they mention the domestic work that every reasonable adult should be able to do for themselves, both male and female. What these women and some men have failed to understand is time. Time has changed things. We are no longer in that era where women didn't work, and men had to shoulder all things finance. That's why today people use the phrase modern man/woman.

Today women are in business. CEOs, doctors, lawyers, presidents, etc. Time has changed things. Old - New = Time. Time is the difference, yet most of you still think you are in the past. That's why you will keep fighting over unreasonable things. Today men and women should be fully involved in the domestic work and financing the relationship because that's the time we are in today.
That is why whenever this conversation of money comes up in a relationship and how it's the man's role to carry the financial responsibility, it just pisses me off. 

Do I have a problem with men carrying the financial responsibility? No. Not at all. My problem is that many women use this to become very selfish and stingy in their relationships and marriage. 
A full-grown woman that God has blessed is making almost the same amount the man is making, yet out of selfishness, wickedness, and lack of wisdom, she wants the man to pay all the bills knowing fully well that the economy is bad right now, and it takes two people now earning from a different place to be able to raise many kids and give them a good life and enjoy a good life together too.
She holds these mindsets, and you even hear about some that allow their husbands to pay these bills until he has no savings and still gives her money for her upkeep, and you wonder what she is doing with all the money she makes. Tell me what this is if it’s not wickedness. 

When you talk to these ladies, they come up with the BS that they take care of the home. Hmm. I don't even want to say much here again because men are also enablers of these behaviors. 
How will a full-grown adult man seat down and cross his legs while his wife gets back from work and jump straight to the kitchen running around the house trying to cater for him and the kids and later fall ill, and he still doesn't care when he could have initially supported her in doing the domestic housework? Is that not witchcraft?

When you speak to these men, you hear them say nonsense about that being the reason they married her. That's because you don't value her; that's why most of them think this way. 
Anyway, back to the main discussion. 
Now that I have told you that I can do all this domestic work for myself and give the same amount of time you can give to our kids, why do I need you as a wife?
Well, here is my point. And I hope men learn from this as well. 
I need a wife, not a house help. Yes, she is my helpmate but not my domestic help. She is here to help me as much as I am here to help her. We are one, and we help each other according to each person's needs and capability to meet those needs. I am not one of those men that will deny my wife assistantship if she needs help. 

I want to eat my wife’s sweet food, but that’s not why I want a wife. 
I want to have children with her and raise them with her, and I want my wife, their mother, to be a mother to them, but that’s not why I need a wife. 
I want a woman that can clean and do other housework, but that’s not why I need a wife. 
I want a woman that can support the family financially, but that’s not why I need a wife. 

Why then do I need a wife?
I need a wife because I want a soulmate. A best friend who I can share my life with. Build together with and enjoy together. 
I need a wife because I want a best friend who understands me and will be my strength in my area of weakness and vice versa. A friend that will make sacrifices for me, and I will make sacrifices for her too. 

I need a wife because I want someone I can love and support, someone I can show off to the world because of how amazing she handles life and how amazing she is excelling in what God has called her to do. A wife I can cheer on because her happiness is my happiness. 
I need a wife because I want someone that loves me beyond words, and I can be vulnerable and not get it used against me because we understand each other and want the best for each other. 
To me, marriage is beyond house chores and roles. To me, marriage is about what we mean to each other. How we impact each other that even if everything else is taken away, as long as we have each other, we can do anything and bounce back together stronger. 

For me, it's not about the roles. There is so much fixation right now on the roles that people are losing the essence of marriage in the first place. It's about the oneness. The bond. The purpose. The fruit and blessing that comes with it. 
Most importantly, this is why I need a wife. Because I want someone that I will become one with just like the Bible says. And two shall become one, and whatever God has joined together, let nothing come in between them. 

This means we come into the union with all of us. 100%. Not 50:50, but with everything to do everything together.  I can pay the bills, and She can too. I can wash the plate and sweep the house, and she can rest when tired. I can give her nights off and look after the baby myself because it's our baby, not her baby, and she can get good sleep. 
We can send the kids to their grandmother so we can have some time to ourselves as couples. 
She takes up the task that I am not good at, and I take up the task she is not good at. Who does what doesn’t matter because the aim is to get it done and help each other in the process as it’s been done. 
I don't need a wife because I need domestic help. I can hire a helper for that. I need a wife because I want a companion and a partner to do life with. Enjoy each other's company, have fun together and never get tired of each other. 

There is the primary purpose of my needing a wife. Every other thing is secondary. 
That’s what kingdom marriage looks like. 
Like I always say. I am not a traditional man or a modern man. I am a kingdom man. And in Kingdom marriages, we commit everything to it because we are one. We don't go in with a divorce mindset or the mindset that makes you not give your all because you don't want to be taken advantage of. We give our all because when one is happy, the other is happy, and when one is sad, the other is sad because we are one. 

Will this be easy? Yes, it can happen with the right person with a like mind.
Is it possible? Yes. Very possible when Christ is at the center of your relationship or marriage. 
Will, I Iive it out? Yes. I am training myself to be that kind of man, and God will help me. I already have the mindset, and I will practice it all in due time.
This means I will only marry a woman with a similar kingdom mindset of marriage, not a selfish woman looking for just who will take care of her and every other thing that comes with that selfish package.  

This is why I need a wife, and that’s the kind of marriage I want.
If you learned from this, leave an interesting comment about what you think below.

Profit Eneh
Personal Development and Relationship Coach

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