Saturday, August 27, 2022

What To Do If You Are In An Abusive Or Toxic Relationship Or Marriage

Some hours ago, I went live here to address three issues:
1) Salient issues to discuss in courtship
2) What to do if an abusive or unhealthy relationship or marriage.
3) Financing the family.
Salient issues to discuss in courtship:
1) Marital ideologies
2) Religious beliefs
3) Career/business pursuit
4) Educational pursuit
5) Children
6) Finances
7) Management of the extended family
8) Type of wedding
9) Accommodation
Discuss everything with your partner, if you both can't agree, please end the relationship even if both of you have started the wedding plans. Compatibility is key for marital success. 


What to do if you are in an abusive or toxic relationship/marriage:
1) Discuss the challenge with your partner
2) If both of you can't address your challenge by yourselves, seek the help of a counselor/coach, trained religious leader, or a person you hold in high esteem.
3) If the matter isn't resolved and a party is unwilling to live under the same roof as the other spouse, they should apply for separation.
4) If the issue is still lingering and both spouses do no longer wish to be together, they can explore the route of divorce. 

Sometimes, marriages experience challenges. These challenges could be in the area of finances, sex, childbirth, career, etc. While others resolve their issues, others don't. 
Violence in marriage isn't part of marital challenges. It's a crime.
Family finances and marriage:
In marriage, both spouses are the providers. They have found a new family. The husband is the primary breadwinner while the wife is the secondary breadwinner.

To finance a family and home, there are three ways:
1) The "without reservation"  formula (E.g: The two spouses don't mind spending their all on the family)
2) The percentage sharing formula (the husband brings a certain percentage and the wife brings also a certain percentage. E.g: 70%--30%.
3) The expenses sharing formula (E.g: The husband decides to pay for the house rent, while the wife pays the children's school fees, etc).
To carry out capital projects, especially for couples who are still coming up financially, doing projects together is advisable. With or without a couple's bank joint account, they can execute great projects to advance their families.
If a spouse (especially the wife) is indifferent and unwilling to do things together with the husband, she shouldn't be forced. The husband should go ahead and do family projects within his financial capabilities.

In marriage, the two spouses are advised to keep their personal money by themselves after they might have financed the family.
Those are what I discussed today. I will be discussing more from time to time. My apologies for the poor quality of the video. They were too many calls interfering. 

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