I watched an episode of The Justice Court TV show. A case of a man who has a child with a lady with whom the love relationship ended was brought to court. The man has not been providing child support for the child because he claims that the lady has done so much damages to him. After the judge compelled him to be giving child support, he said he is unemployed and can only provide N2, 000 monthly. The judge wasn't amused at all and compelled him to be giving child support in the tune of N25, 000 monthly.
Here's my professional advice:
Lovemaking is to be carried out within the context of marriage only. That's God's design for lovemaking. However, I understand that not everybody subscribes to this position and, I respect that. But then, you must understand that when unprotected sex occurs between a man and a woman, it's most likely going to result to pregnancy and ultimately to a baby.
If you are not ready to father a child, steer clear of sex or better still use protection if you "must" have it. This is no way an encouragement for singles to commit fornication (everybody isn't a Christian nah). This is a professional advice often given by counselors. No child should be born out of mistake by two adults.
Dear single men:
If you impregnate a lady and she gives birth to that child, you are the father of that child whether you are married to that lady or not. Marriage makes a man a husband, but semen makes him a father. Becoming a husband may take as much as many months. But to become a father may require as little as 2 minutes of sex.
In Lagos and many other states of Nigeria, there is a legal framework that compels a man that has a child with a lady to cater for his/her child or children. That law is called CHILD SUPPORT (Section 14 (2) of the child right Act provide that every child has a right to maintenance by his parents). If you have a child out there, be honourable enough to cater for them. Don't let the mother of that child report or drag you to court or Women Affairs Commission before you take up your responsibilities of a father to that child.
Dear single ladies:
Hear this today, lovemaking with your lover isn't love and love isn't just about having sex with opposite gender. Sex in a love relationship is indiscipline. Don't let any man compel you to give them sex. You're not yet married. Your body is meant for your husband and not for a randy man looking for sexual pleasure.
When a lady gets pregnant out of wedlock, she suffers the most. She is the one at the receiving end. Should the man deny responsibility or paternity, she is the one to bear all the brunt because the man's life is almost unaffected and his life goes on smoothly. Whereas the lady's own will be greatly disrupted. Therefore, "skirt-up" ladies! Abstain from sex, keep your bodies for your God-ordained spouses.
If you have a child with a man who has refused to take responsibility by providing child support for that baby, you can compel him to do that by contacting the following body in your state of residence:
1. Magistrate Court
2. Women Affairs Commission
3. Human Rights Commission
Each state of the federation has an office. If you write to them about the problem you are facing in your marriage, they will invite you and the father of the child for a conversation before deciding the next decision to take. They will compel him to cater for his child. They will be a modality for the child support and some sort of undertaking if he is unreasonable. Failure to provide child support is a crime. This information is also for wives whose husbands have abandoned with their children or have stopped taking care of the children.
I hope you have heard me very clearly.
By Coach Joshua, Marriage And relationship counselor.