The Major Factors Of Marital Success..

I understand that many, if not most of us, love prayers so much, and by spiritual devotion, we're prayer warriors in our own right. I am a prayer warrior also.

As a child of God, I pray fervently. In my marriage, I pray fervently as well. Prayer is a spiritual devotion and food to the believer in Christ.

However, in this life, not all things require prayers to work. The same is true in marriage. I hope you are not scandalized. Please stay with me and read on.

Marriages don't work because we pray only. Marital success is a mix of many factors. One of such factors is WISDOM. Wisdom in this context, is the "marital knowledge". Spouses should have a deposit of marital knowledge as they are praying to experience marital bliss.

While so much emphasis is often placed on prayers (which is correct), however, prayer isn't all that is needed to make a marriage work. Prayers have their place so also wisdom.

Praying where wisdom is required is an effort in futility. Prayers can't and won't ever substitute wisdom. They are two different things entirely.

Here are some instances to make you understand better:

In marriage...

1. We don't pray to be romantic towards our spouses.

2. We don't pray to communicate with our spouses.

3. We don't pray to listen to our spouses when they need our attention.

4. We don't pray to know how to be appreciative of our spouses.

5. We don't pray to know how to make love with our spouses.

6. We don't pray to quell the unpleasant extended family interferences.

7. We don't pray to be caring towards our spouses.

8. We don't pray to be fun-filled towards our spouses.

9. We don't pray to be supportive towards our spouses.

10. We don't pray to be fair and reasonable with each other.

11. We don't pray to know how to show affection to our spouses.

The list goes on and on!

Unfortunately, some of the time we keep "spiritualising" everything in our marriages. But the spouses we married are not spirits, but human beings who although are children of God, are still "flesh and blood".

Most challenges experienced by spouses are "natural" in nature; they're not spiritual things.

For instance:

1) A wife complains that her husband spends most of his income on his parents and siblings whereas his own children are malnourished at home.

2) A husband who likes hanging out with friends more than spending quality time with his family.

3) An unpleasurable wife who nags at almost everything in the marriage.

4) A husband who still acts like a mommy's boy; he has no mind of his, only does what his parents tell him.

5) A lazy wife who can't do a single chore at home despite the fact that she's a full-time housewife married to a low-income earner.

6) A wife who is so carefree about her looks, physical appearance, and personal hygiene.

7) A husband who is only nice to strangers but unfriendly to this family.

8) A husband who drops very little money at home for feeding whereas he spends almost double or three times what he dropped for his family at home.

The list goes on and on!

Dear friends, if prayers were all that was needed for your marriage to work, then you aren't supposed to be in this group to learn marital wisdom, but in your houses praying only. In this group how many times have you seen me lead in prayers for your marriages?

In my marriage, my wife and I pray less over our marriage. It's not that we don't have needs or challenges, but most of the challenges we face are the ones that require knowledge or wisdom.

I am from the Eastern Region of Nigeria while my wife is a Yoruba lady. As a fully bred "Omo Oduduwa", my wife likes pepper and preppery meals whereas I don't like pepper like that. Her peppery meals always caused issues between us. I will tell her that I am not a fan of peppery meals but she would be displeased about my remarks while on the other hand, I will be fuming. My wife wouldn't listen at all, saying that the meals were okay like that. This kept on going for long months and we kept having issues. One day I told her that she could cook our meals with little pepper content and could also have some cooked pepper in the container to be added to our meals should there be any need for that, but she refused and issues bordering on peppery meals lingered. That also created some disaffection between us. One day we reported ourselves to our counselor and after listening to us, he observed that it was a matter of knowledge. He allowed us to talk. We talked and that matter and the others we brought to him were resolved without a prayer point.

Now, can you see that not all marital crises require prayers, but wisdom. Of course, wisdom and prayers are needed in a marriage, but none can substitute for the other.

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