Trust we all had a great week. Even if things didn't go as planned, as long as we are alive, there's hope.
We'll take a look at the theme Compatibility which is the 2nd of 'the 3 Cs' that must be in every relationship or marriage.
Let's say a few words of prayer:
Dear
Lord, thank you for the gift of life; thank you for being our security
in this time of absolute insecurity; thank you for the opportunity to
share and learn in your presence today. May your Holy Spirit interpret
every word that will be said, in the language everyone would understand,
and your name will remain glorified forever in Jesus' name, Amen.
INTRODUCTION:
Compatibility is a state where two things or persons can exist together without problems or conflict.
It can also be defined as the fact of being able to exist, live, or work
successfully with something or someone else without conflict.
You can simply define it as being capable of existing together in harmony.
Simply
put, you are compatible with someone when you can relate
perfectly with that person without unnecessary issues. You both have
different qualities, but you can blend effectively without
problems arising.
For
instance, when you attempt to mix palm oil and water, the oil refuses to
blend with the water, it rather floats on the water because they are
incompatible. But when you attempt mixing liquid milk with water, though
they are made up of different components, they blend and coexist
without problems because they are compatible.
Vinegar
is edible on its own, Bleach on its own can be used as a cleaning agent
in households and would not ordinarily kill a person when inhaled, but
the combination of both will produce chlorine gas which is very
hazardous to human health. They are incompatible.
Avoid friends who make you exhibit the wrong attributes, you are incompatible with them.
It
is very necessary to ascertain if you’re compatible with the person
you’re in love with, to avoid a different side of you popping out
surprisingly. You need a healthy relationship and marriage void of
unnecessary traumas. You don’t deserve to live your life swimming in a
pool of unpleasant experiences. Nobody has up to 150 years in our
generation, so why live the few years you have in pain and unnecessary
conflicts?
Let's consider the different kinds of compatibility to look out for as we decide to fall and remain in love.
1)
Spiritual Compatibility: We must be spiritually compatible with each
other, having the same God and Godly principles. As Christians, our
spirits have been transformed to that of Christ, thus we can’t be
compatible with someone who isn’t of the same faith, belief, or standard
as us.
If
he/she is not of the same faith or is of the same faith but not of the
same frequency as you, you are spiritually incompatible.
2)
Financial Compatibility: Some may mistake this to mean being of the
same social class and the same level of wealth and affluence, but this
is far from that.
You both
must have the same financial principles, irrespective of your distinct
flow of income. Some people believe that we have a short time to live on
earth, so it is pointless saving up or investing in the future we won’t
be alive to see. Such people are not compatible with those who believe
in the principle of saving and investing, because there would be
continuous disagreements about the utilization of finance if
they get married.
3)
Medical compatibility: You must be medically compatible with the person
you intend to get married to. There are certain questions and medical
tests you both must carry out, to ascertain that you’re medically
compatible. It is important to know your genotype and be certain you are
'good to go'. For instance, a man with an AS genotype shouldn’t end up
with a lady having the same genotype, to avoid having a child with an SS
genotype.
Blood
group compatibility is also essential to avoid 'rhesus conflict',
for instance, a woman with a rhesus negative blood group who marries a man
with a rhesus positive blood group may have problems during pregnancy
where the fetus takes after the father’s blood characteristics. Medical
compatibility is very important and should never be neglected.
4)
Emotional compatibility: You must have an emotional attraction to the
person you intend to get married to. There should be that feeling, that
emotional attachment, which is evidenced by words and actions. No need
to make everything spiritual, if you are not emotionally attracted to
each other, then there is no point.
They
aren’t in love, they don’t feel any emotional connection but they are
in the relationship simply because they believe it is God’s will. God’s
will is very important for every Godly relationship, and emotional
attraction is also vital. There are severe challenges that when they hit
your marriage, you may begin to doubt if you heard clearly
from God about the union being His will. The emotional attraction could
help you pull through in such instances.
5)
Intellectual Compatibility: According to Jenna Ponaman, Intellectual
compatibility is when both parties are mentally stimulated by the same
conversation. Where you and your partner are of the same intellectual
frequency and can engage in conversations and learn from each other, you
are intellectually compatible. Where one person feels like the teacher
or feels intellectually intimidated by the other, then you’re
intellectually incompatible. Also, where you cannot have lengthy
conversations with each other without feeling bored, then you are
intellectually incompatible. Intellectual compatibility is very
important in every relationship because communication strengthens
relationships. But when you can’t adequately communicate with your
partner due to intellectual incompatibility, the bond in your
relationship declines.
6)
Physical Compatibility: Every human has certain physical features that
they are attracted to, and they look out for those qualities in the
person they intend to spend their lives with. The person you are in love
with and intend to get married to must possess the majority of those
qualities. If you love dark people, date and marry a dark person; if you
love tall people, date and marry a tall person. Don’t settle for what
you are not physically attracted to, to avoid admiring other people’s
partners throughout your marriage and wishing they were yours; it can
lead to unfaithfulness in marriage. Be properly guided.
Let's consider some tests that can help you ascertain if you are compatible with your partner.
1)
You share common interests in life: You must share the
same values and interests in life. When the man believes he is called
into full-time ministry by God, but he is about getting married to
someone who is neither interested in ministry nor is even serious with
her relationship with God, they will have marital problems if
they end up as couples. However, it doesn’t mean that you and your
partner must be in the same profession or be involved in the same line
of business.
It
is not enough that he/she has all the physical qualities you desire, if
you both don’t share the same passion or interest in life,
please reconsider ending up together.
Your
core values and beliefs must tally; imagine where the woman believes
her first salary for the year belongs to God as the first fruit, and she
must pay her tithe from all her income, but the man doesn’t think that
it is necessary, such marriage will keep experiencing disagreements
relating first fruits and tithes, which may escalate into other things.
Be in love with or marry someone you imagine a future with. Be sure that you are heading in the same direction.
2)
You don’t want to change each other: Where you love each other and
respect each other’s differences, you don’t feel the need for them to
become different from what they are, rather you help them get better
until they become the best version of themselves, then you are
compatible. It is difficult, if not impossible, to change an adult or
change as an adult about your nature and temperament; you must
therefore love his/her nature and not pressure him/her to change.
Be in love with what you admire, and not with something different, and after marriage, you try to make him/her what you want.
You
must also respect each other’s boundaries and tolerate each other's
habits; respect the fact that your partner is a person with feelings and
just as you wouldn’t want them to hurt you, you shouldn’t also do
anything to hurt them. You must bring balance to each other, though you
have differences, you are meant to complement each other. You are like
two halves of a circle, you make each other whole when you come
together; If you feel you are the other half of a triangle and your
partner is the other half of a circle, then you are not meant for each
other.
3)
You are not afraid to tell him/her the truth: Your partner must be
someone you can comfortably correct or express your opinion to, without
being ignored or misunderstood. Though misunderstanding is inevitable
in marriage, you both must be able to settle without it escalating into
something worse. If you’ve never encountered a misunderstanding with
your partner, then one of you is living in pretense.
As
long as you are different beings, you must witness misunderstandings,
but the love between you both should guide you to settle and compromise a
little for peace to reign. You must feel safe with your partner; love
isn’t bondage, rather it is a beautiful and pleasant experience that
allows you to be yourself and be safe and happy about yourself.
4)
You can fit into your partner’s family: Remember the bible says “and
the two shall become one flesh…” This means you become one with your
spouse when you get married to him/her. Therefore you must be sure that
you can be a member of his/her family since you are automatically one.
Where your partner's family values are different from your family
values, you might have extreme difficulty coping with his/her family
after marriage.
For
instance, when a Christian man gets married to a Muslim lady, it may be
difficult for such a Muslim lady to blend in and accept the values of
the Christian family that has become her family. Don’t just conclude with
the saying that 'marriage is between the man and woman, and not the
man, woman, and both families, the families are just as important as the
man and woman in the marriage.
Dangers of incompatibility in marriage or relationship:
1)
Unnecessary arguments about almost everything: Where you end up with
that person you are incompatible with, you would not agree on
almost everything, because you are both not complementary to each
other. Marriage ought to be a case where two different persons who are
incomplete on their own, come together to complement each other and make
a whole person ('and the two shall become one). When you marry someone
you’re incompatible with, you remain as incomplete as you were before
marriage because you both are not 'two sides of the same coin.
2)
Unsupportive relationship/marriage: You cannot be supportive of each
other since you're both different and incompatible. You must be able to
support and encourage each other to become better versions of yourselves
and achieve your goals; but when you are incompatible, you won’t see
the need to support and encourage your partner to become better versions
of him/herself, since you expect him/her to change and become who you
want him/her to be. You expect your dreams to be your partner's dreams,
so there’s no point in encouraging and helping him/her achieve his/her
goals.
3)
Love and friendship depreciate: Since you are both incompatible,
quarrels and misunderstandings will always arise; constant quarrels and
unresolved issues will keep affecting the relationship and friendship.
The love will begin to depreciate as everyone gradually becomes selfish
looking for his/her satisfaction and happiness.
4)
Breakup, Separation, or Divorce: As the love depreciates and friendship
disappears, the relationship will be full of surprises as each person
will start to exhibit attitudes that wouldn’t have come up but for the
incompatibility. At some point, you feel fed up with the marriage, and
the best possible solution is sought after (which may be either breakup,
separation, or divorce).
In conclusion, Compatibility is very important and should never be neglected.
To
ensure that you achieve your desired sweet marriage and sweet home,
consider your compatibility with your partner before going into
marriage.
Closing Prayer:
Father we thank you for this teaching, Let it minister to everyone who
reads it on this platform and other platforms.
I
pray that every sweet marriage shall get sweeter. For marriages that
are struggling to survive, I pray that you reinforce its foundation,
that it shall stand strong; pour your oil of sweetness, and may they
begin to enjoy the immense sweetness.
God Bless every soul here, and receive all the glory forever in Jesus's name I pray, Amen.
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