Sunday, September 24, 2023

The Importance of Compatibility in Relationships and Marriages..

Trust we all had a great week. Even if things didn't go as planned, as long as we are alive, there's hope.
We'll take a look at the theme Compatibility which is the 2nd of 'the 3 Cs' that must be in every relationship or marriage.

Let's say a few words of prayer:
Dear Lord, thank you for the gift of life; thank you for being our security in this time of absolute insecurity; thank you for the opportunity to share and learn in your presence today. May your Holy Spirit interpret every word that will be said, in the language everyone would understand, and your name will remain glorified forever in Jesus' name, Amen.

Compatibility is a state where two things or persons can exist together without problems or conflict.

It can also be defined as the fact of being able to exist, live, or work successfully with something or someone else without conflict.

You can simply define it as being capable of existing together in harmony.

Simply put, you are compatible with someone when you can relate perfectly with that person without unnecessary issues. You both have different qualities, but you can blend effectively without problems arising.
For instance, when you attempt to mix palm oil and water, the oil refuses to blend with the water, it rather floats on the water because they are incompatible. But when you attempt mixing liquid milk with water, though they are made up of different components, they blend and coexist without problems because they are compatible.

Vinegar is edible on its own, Bleach on its own can be used as a cleaning agent in households and would not ordinarily kill a person when inhaled, but the combination of both will produce chlorine gas which is very hazardous to human health. They are incompatible.
Avoid friends who make you exhibit the wrong attributes, you are incompatible with them.

It is very necessary to ascertain if you’re compatible with the person you’re in love with, to avoid a different side of you popping out surprisingly. You need a healthy relationship and marriage void of unnecessary traumas. You don’t deserve to live your life swimming in a pool of unpleasant experiences. Nobody has up to 150 years in our generation, so why live the few years you have in pain and unnecessary conflicts?

Let's consider the different kinds of compatibility to look out for as we decide to fall and remain in love.

1) Spiritual Compatibility: We must be spiritually compatible with each other, having the same God and Godly principles. As Christians, our spirits have been transformed to that of Christ, thus we can’t be compatible with someone who isn’t of the same faith, belief, or standard as us.
If he/she is not of the same faith or is of the same faith but not of the same frequency as you, you are spiritually incompatible.

2) Financial Compatibility: Some may mistake this to mean being of the same social class and the same level of wealth and affluence, but this is far from that.
You both must have the same financial principles, irrespective of your distinct flow of income. Some people believe that we have a short time to live on earth, so it is pointless saving up or investing in the future we won’t be alive to see. Such people are not compatible with those who believe in the principle of saving and investing, because there would be continuous disagreements about the utilization of finance if they get married.

3) Medical compatibility: You must be medically compatible with the person you intend to get married to. There are certain questions and medical tests you both must carry out, to ascertain that you’re medically compatible. It is important to know your genotype and be certain you are 'good to go'. For instance, a man with an AS genotype shouldn’t end up with a lady having the same genotype, to avoid having a child with an SS genotype.

Blood group compatibility is also essential to avoid 'rhesus conflict', for instance, a woman with a rhesus negative blood group who marries a man with a rhesus positive blood group may have problems during pregnancy where the fetus takes after the father’s blood characteristics. Medical compatibility is very important and should never be neglected.

4) Emotional compatibility: You must have an emotional attraction to the person you intend to get married to. There should be that feeling, that emotional attachment, which is evidenced by words and actions. No need to make everything spiritual, if you are not emotionally attracted to each other, then there is no point.

They aren’t in love, they don’t feel any emotional connection but they are in the relationship simply because they believe it is God’s will. God’s will is very important for every Godly relationship, and emotional attraction is also vital. There are severe challenges that when they hit your marriage, you may begin to doubt if you heard clearly from God about the union being His will. The emotional attraction could help you pull through in such instances.

5) Intellectual Compatibility: According to Jenna Ponaman, Intellectual compatibility is when both parties are mentally stimulated by the same conversation. Where you and your partner are of the same intellectual frequency and can engage in conversations and learn from each other, you are intellectually compatible. Where one person feels like the teacher or feels intellectually intimidated by the other, then you’re intellectually incompatible. Also, where you cannot have lengthy conversations with each other without feeling bored, then you are intellectually incompatible. Intellectual compatibility is very important in every relationship because communication strengthens relationships. But when you can’t adequately communicate with your partner due to intellectual incompatibility, the bond in your relationship declines.

6) Physical Compatibility: Every human has certain physical features that they are attracted to, and they look out for those qualities in the person they intend to spend their lives with. The person you are in love with and intend to get married to must possess the majority of those qualities. If you love dark people, date and marry a dark person; if you love tall people, date and marry a tall person. Don’t settle for what you are not physically attracted to, to avoid admiring other people’s partners throughout your marriage and wishing they were yours; it can lead to unfaithfulness in marriage. Be properly guided.

Let's consider some tests that can help you ascertain if you are compatible with your partner.
1) You share common interests in life: You must share the same values and interests in life. When the man believes he is called into full-time ministry by God, but he is about getting married to someone who is neither interested in ministry nor is even serious with her relationship with God, they will have marital problems if they end up as couples. However, it doesn’t mean that you and your partner must be in the same profession or be involved in the same line of business.

It is not enough that he/she has all the physical qualities you desire, if you both don’t share the same passion or interest in life, please reconsider ending up together.
Your core values and beliefs must tally; imagine where the woman believes her first salary for the year belongs to God as the first fruit, and she must pay her tithe from all her income, but the man doesn’t think that it is necessary, such marriage will keep experiencing disagreements relating first fruits and tithes, which may escalate into other things.
Be in love with or marry someone you imagine a future with. Be sure that you are heading in the same direction.

2) You don’t want to change each other: Where you love each other and respect each other’s differences, you don’t feel the need for them to become different from what they are, rather you help them get better until they become the best version of themselves, then you are compatible. It is difficult, if not impossible, to change an adult or change as an adult about your nature and temperament; you must therefore love his/her nature and not pressure him/her to change.
Be in love with what you admire, and not with something different, and after marriage, you try to make him/her what you want.

You must also respect each other’s boundaries and tolerate each other's habits; respect the fact that your partner is a person with feelings and just as you wouldn’t want them to hurt you, you shouldn’t also do anything to hurt them. You must bring balance to each other, though you have differences, you are meant to complement each other. You are like two halves of a circle, you make each other whole when you come together; If you feel you are the other half of a triangle and your partner is the other half of a circle, then you are not meant for each other.

3) You are not afraid to tell him/her the truth: Your partner must be someone you can comfortably correct or express your opinion to, without being ignored or misunderstood. Though misunderstanding is inevitable in marriage, you both must be able to settle without it escalating into something worse. If you’ve never encountered a misunderstanding with your partner, then one of you is living in pretense.

As long as you are different beings, you must witness misunderstandings, but the love between you both should guide you to settle and compromise a little for peace to reign. You must feel safe with your partner; love isn’t bondage, rather it is a beautiful and pleasant experience that allows you to be yourself and be safe and happy about yourself.

4) You can fit into your partner’s family: Remember the bible says “and the two shall become one flesh…” This means you become one with your spouse when you get married to him/her. Therefore you must be sure that you can be a member of his/her family since you are automatically one. Where your partner's family values are different from your family values, you might have extreme difficulty coping with his/her family after marriage.

For instance, when a Christian man gets married to a Muslim lady, it may be difficult for such a Muslim lady to blend in and accept the values of the Christian family that has become her family. Don’t just conclude with the saying that 'marriage is between the man and woman, and not the man, woman, and both families, the families are just as important as the man and woman in the marriage.

Dangers of incompatibility in marriage or relationship:
1) Unnecessary arguments about almost everything: Where you end up with that person you are incompatible with, you would not agree on almost everything, because you are both not complementary to each other. Marriage ought to be a case where two different persons who are incomplete on their own, come together to complement each other and make a whole person ('and the two shall become one). When you marry someone you’re incompatible with, you remain as incomplete as you were before marriage because you both are not 'two sides of the same coin.

2) Unsupportive relationship/marriage: You cannot be supportive of each other since you're both different and incompatible. You must be able to support and encourage each other to become better versions of yourselves and achieve your goals; but when you are incompatible, you won’t see the need to support and encourage your partner to become better versions of him/herself, since you expect him/her to change and become who you want him/her to be. You expect your dreams to be your partner's dreams, so there’s no point in encouraging and helping him/her achieve his/her goals.

3) Love and friendship depreciate: Since you are both incompatible, quarrels and misunderstandings will always arise; constant quarrels and unresolved issues will keep affecting the relationship and friendship. The love will begin to depreciate as everyone gradually becomes selfish looking for his/her satisfaction and happiness.

4) Breakup, Separation, or Divorce: As the love depreciates and friendship disappears, the relationship will be full of surprises as each person will start to exhibit attitudes that wouldn’t have come up but for the incompatibility. At some point, you feel fed up with the marriage, and the best possible solution is sought after (which may be either breakup, separation, or divorce).
In conclusion, Compatibility is very important and should never be neglected.

To ensure that you achieve your desired sweet marriage and sweet home, consider your compatibility with your partner before going into marriage.

Closing Prayer: Father we thank you for this teaching, Let it minister to everyone who reads it on this platform and other platforms.

I pray that every sweet marriage shall get sweeter. For marriages that are struggling to survive, I pray that you reinforce its foundation, that it shall stand strong; pour your oil of sweetness, and may they begin to enjoy the immense sweetness.

God Bless every soul here, and receive all the glory forever in Jesus's name I pray, Amen.

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