Even though the topic of language is not a new one, most people still don't understand the concept. Some have not even heard about it for the first time while some who know about it still have misconceptions about it.
The fact is that we have 5 basic love languages taught by Gary Chapman in his book The 5 Love language but is love languages limited to just 5? Another question is must my love language be one of these 5 listed here?
Just for those hearing it for the first time, love language is basically how people receive love or how they feel love. According to the book, the basic 5 are
Act of service
Quality time
Physical touch
Words of affirmation
Receiving gifts.
Now to the lesson proper.
Most people think this is how everyone must receive love, well that's not true. The love languages are not limited to these 5.
In fact, in one of my teaching, I pointed out a 6th one with applies to me and maybe a few others.
Just like the definition goes. Love languages are what make your partner feel loved. This can wholly be anything.
For me, surprisingly part of what makes me feel loved and happy is when I see my partner putting in the effort to develop herself because I know a better her will love me better. I know that if she becomes the top in her industry it will give me great joy. I know this might sound strange to some people but this is it for me.
This is why I said they can be something to you that nobody else can relate to.
Some persons might feel your love based on how you treat their family, and how you relate with them.
It could be how they manage the bills and ensure you don't run into debt.
It could be how they get you involved in all they do and how you respond. They don't do anything if you are not aware, in this case not because they can't but because they want you to know and hear your thoughts. Just happy to get you involved.
So the 5 are great, but it shouldn't stop there. Is important to have that discussion with your partner. Find out the unique ways they feel loved, and what makes them feel loved.
Don't go about practicing just the 5 when what makes them feel loved is different. Make it a point of call to always ask your partner how you are doing in the area of how you love them.
If both of you can do this you will have fewer problems in your relationship and marriage. So stop thinking it's just the 5.
The second misconception is when people start speaking their love language to their partner.
That's not how it works. Just because you love gifts doesn't mean your partner will love them too. That you like words of affirmation doesn't mean it's what your partner wants.
So don't start giving your partner what you want, you give them what they want. That's how love languages work.
They give you yours and you give them theirs. Simple.
One final tip on love languages.
There are two ways to find out what makes your partner feel loved.
1) They will most respond positively to what they frequently give you.
An example is if you like quality time but they keep buying you gifts then it could be a pointer that they love gifts themselves. So they are giving you what they would like to receive.
2) Ask them. I don't like operating based on assumptions when it comes to relationships at all. Clarity is key.
So I would prefer you ask them and be sure of what they want based on this response.
Tags:
Relationship